2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
