I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize