im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
