He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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