So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
