it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize