So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
