i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
