he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Drunk is not a location!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
