I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
