How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
