i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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