was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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