The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
