Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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