oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
its not stalking. its research.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
