You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
