i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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