so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
