i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize