I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He passed out mid-signature
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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