too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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