Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
