How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize