My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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