Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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