yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
