All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
