if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
