dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
