my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize