I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
