Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
