Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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