Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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