If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
