and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
