Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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