Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
A+ Viking dick
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize