bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
