i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
