Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize