Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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