My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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