At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
