bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
