Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
