my sisters under your porch take her home
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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