Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
