so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize