Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
40s are totally the cure
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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