And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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