Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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