Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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