I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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