I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
