turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
