just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
