I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
