im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
