Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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