WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
