I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
