to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
