I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
