Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Two words: blizzard sex
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
