um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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