I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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