We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I love you. Go after that dick
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
