I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
