I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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