I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
