I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
