There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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