dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
