So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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