I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
