She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Randomize