last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
