it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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