Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
