There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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