oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
