id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
