maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
