I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
