I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
