sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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