im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
His hands were made for my vagina.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
