sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
