i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Randomize
