i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
