I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
