i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
