Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
