Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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