I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize