You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I wish they made helmets for livers.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
