why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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