I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
