I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
