Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
