So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Floor bacon is actually really good
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
