I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You're like the curious george of whores
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
